My mind keeps wandering around. There’s no definite when or where it will happen — it simply does its work, most often unintentionally. Sometimes, it plays certain scenes involving the same people repeatedly until it perfects them, or it jumps to another set of scenes in continuation of the previous one. Other times, it just creates a completely different scenario with a new set of people in it. More often than not, these scenarios don’t really happen in real life. They simply live in my head until they fade, or until a new drama begins.
I’m not an actor or a theatre artist, but I certainly perform my act and say my lines, especially when I’m all alone. Because in my head, they feel real — even when I know deep down, they aren’t. At times, people catch me smiling, mouthing words, gesturing, or doing random facial expressions every now and then — because why not? I always find myself immersed in these imaginary fantasies which make my reality blurry. On the outside, I may look normal and calm, but internally, I’m completely somewhere else — most often in some random parallel universe where my visions have the possibility to come true.
I know I’m not the only one. We all do this. Maybe for you, just occasionally, but for me, my mind is always performing — night and day, every hour, every minute. In my head, I get to say the things I never had the chance to say, or was too afraid to say out loud. I also get to be the person I want to be — funny, confident, or mysterious. I even get to rehearse the lines I’d like to say before they play out in reality.
However, reality never plays out the exact way it does in my head — which makes it heartbreaking and disappointing. But here’s the thing: I’d still prefer these imaginations because I get to mentally experience the people and endings that I want. And the more I play them in my head, the more real they feel. It’s okay, I’m not really expecting them to happen. Just knowing how it would play out is already enough for me.
Maybe this is how dreamers survive the quiet parts of life — by living a little more inside their heads.
It’s like finishing a book where you felt you belonged, only for life to snap you back to reality. I don’t know if I’m a dreamer, or just a sucker for good emotional stories. All I know is that in my head, everything is possible.