At an early age, it was instilled in us to get married before 30, to have at least two kids (a boy and a girl), and to have a stable, secure job. By our 30s, we were also expected to have the capacity to buy a house, a car, and own a property. This is the so-called society’s timeline for every single person in this world.
But what if I don’t have any of that yet? Yes, I’m married. But no kids. Unemployed. Still living in my parents’ house. No car. No property. No investment. And still no savings in the bank. Am I a failure?
I know I shouldn’t be living up to anyone’s standards but mine. I know I shouldn’t follow other people’s expectations but instead live according to what my soul truly wants. Yet a part of me hurts, because what I really want isn’t what’s expected of me.
I spent my 20s doing all the things expected of me, following orders based on what others believed was right, and being the person they want me to be just to gain their approval. But reality hits now that I’m 32 because every description of myself is no longer applicable moving forward.
The world has evolved, things have changed, and so have I. I no longer want kids. I no longer aim for steady, routine work. I no longer agree with other people’s perspectives on life. I no longer live by the ideas I used to believe in. And I no longer think relationships are needed to complete us.
I am no longer the person they thought I was. It stings a little, because I spent so long building and maintaining that “image” of myself. But I don’t have to anymore. I am slowly learning to embrace the person I am becoming.
The new “me” might not be perfect, might not meet other people’s expectations, and might be completely different from who I used to be. But this is me now. I guess this is what they call an identity or existential crisis — the moment you realize the person you once were no longer fits who you’ve become. It’s painful, yes, but also reassuring.
Maybe it’s not really a crisis, but a quiet awakening — the moment your soul whispers, “This is who you truly are. Embrace it.” And maybe that’s what we all need to do.